Don’t Depend On Another Person To Make You Happy
Image by Dicson via Unsplash
Everyone wants and needs love and a great partner in their life. Just remember one thing: “The grass is always greener on the other side until you get there.”
Fact is that you have to be happy and love yourself before anyone can love you. If you are not happy don’t expect that another person coming into your life can make you happy. Happiness is an inside job and no one wants to be around an unhappy person.
When I hear someone say that he/she really wants to get married, I often wonder if it is just the pressure because everyone around them is married or if they are really prepared to take that step considering all it comes with. Do they really understand how much they have to give to make a committed relationship work and are they willing to do so?
When people feel desperate, they are willing to agree to almost anything, in the beginning that is. This is true in personal life as well as in business. Desperate is never good. People can sense it like sharks smell blood and may stay away from you because you have just made yourself undesirable.
Become independent on all levels, including financially. No one wants to be with a person who suffocates them, clings to them constantly or depends on them.
Don’t look at being single as being lonely.
You are alone but not lonely if you engage in interesting activities and hobbies and hang out with friends you enjoy being around. If you are a complete loner, that’s a totally different subject, which is not covered here.
Have standards when choosing a date and life partner.
If you make the wrong choice you may end up being lonely in that relationship. Remind yourself that it’s better to walk alone than with a crowd going in the wrong direction. That is true for intimate relationships as well as friendships.
Getting married is no guarantee to have someone around for the rest of your life. He/she could get sick and/or die or fall out of love with you and leave you.
Getting married for financial security will come back to haunt you. There has to be a certain amount of love between two people in order for them to want to be the best person they can be for each other.
What does it mean to love someone? Are you willing to give unconditional love and support? How would you react if your partner all of a sudden became ill and needed continued care? Would you be there for him/her?
I suppose by now you have realized that a committed relationship is hard work and not just something you can take or leave whenever you feel like it. Not all marriages are happy ones. In today’s times men have it easier than ever to have extramarital affairs. Make sure you are not that sidekick. You will be miserable and alone on holidays and weekends.
Let’s fast-forward and suppose you are that interesting person people want to be with, and a person you can see yourself in a relationship with has asked you out on a date. Needless to say, you want to make a good first impression otherwise it’s game over after the first date.
The Dating Dress Code
What should you wear on the first date? Obviously, it depends on what kind of date it is. Is it a daytime event or an early casual dinner and a movie date? Or is it a more formal dinner date in an upscale restaurant?
The theme will determine the dress style. Even if you want to look alluring, please don’t consider wearing anything overly revealing on a first date. It just sets the wrong tone. You are not looking for a one-night-stand but a committed relationship, and you want your date to focus on you as a person, not on your cleavage. Always remember that men marry women they can take home to mom! Choose something casual, fun and flirty instead if you’re a woman. For men, a business casual look would be ideal.
Conversation
What should you talk about with your date? You can talk about what you like to do in your free time, your hobbies, your work, places you have traveled to, movies, music, sports, books you have read and similar generally safe topics. Stay away from politics, ex-girl/boyfriends, ex-husbands/wives, sickness, family drama, etc. Avoid negative subjects.
Don’t tell your entire life story on a first date, rather leave a bit of mystery without being deceitful.
To become an interesting person, broaden your horizon by following current events, watching international news stations or reading international news online to give you more interesting material to talk about what’s going on in the world. Become a global citizen!
Turn off your cellphone and direct your attention to the person you are on a date with. There is nothing more annoying or disrespectful than someone constantly taking calls, checking social media or texting while on a date. In case you do expect an important call, text or email, which you must take, advise your date in advance that you may have to do so. Expect that if someone is really interested in you, you will become the priority on that date.
If you are a woman, behave like a lady if you want to be respected. If you are a man, be a gentleman if you want a chance for a second date.
If the date goes well, you can generally expect at least a hint of another date, but be prepared to have to wait for a call, text or an email. If you are genuinely interested in the person you went out with, you should send a ‘thank you’ or ‘I had a great time’ kind of text or email the next day. If you don’t get a response within a few days you may as well write this date off to experience. Please don’t be a stalker if you don’t hear back from the person in a reasonable amount of time. People interested in another date will let you know pretty soon after the first date. Don’t try to make excuses why he or she didn’t call or connect with you within a certain period. It’s human nature that an interested person will make the next move quickly. Having said that, unusual circumstances could be a mitigating factor such as a family emergency or important business deal, for instance. You will have to let your instinct guide you if the excuse for not connecting earlier is a valid one.
Respect a person’s decision to not want to date you. He/she may find that despite a first attraction there is no chemistry between you two. Understand that everyone is seeking his/her happiness. As much as you may like this person, he/she may be equally excited about another person instead or just not have these kind of feelings for you.
Take your time getting to know someone you are interested in romantically by establishing a deeper emotional connection with that person before becoming intimate. Make sure you both feel the same way before taking the “plunge”. Don’t let anyone pressure you into sex if you are not ready. When someone is truly interested in you as a person, he/she will give you the time and respect to get to know him/her first.
Since a majority of today’s dating takes place by connecting with people via online dating sites, you have to make sure that you protect yourself. Meet in a public place. Don’t meet anyone at their house and don’t let anyone come to your house to pick you up on the first date. Your address should not be made public yet. If you feel any kind of resistance or pressure, skip the date. If something doesn’t feel right, it generally isn’t. Follow your intuition. You might have just saved yourself from a serial dater or worse.
Dating has become more difficult for both sides these days. Rather than asking a woman out on a date directly, men may try to test the waters, so to speak, by making it sound more casual referring to “hanging out” instead. They figure that rejection is less likely that way. However, this can be a double-edged sword because it doesn’t make it clear to the woman that he is interested in more than just “hanging out”, which could get him stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” instead.
Without doubt, the direct way of asking a woman out on a date is the way to go even if it means to have to deal with potential rejection and the disappointment that comes with it. At least, it would make it clear early on if there is an interest to date rather than just being friends. Time is precious, so you want to avoid wasting it by pursuing something that may have no future.
The situation women often run into today on the typical online dating sites is that men may just be looking for a good time involving casual sex. If that is made clear right in the beginning, the women have the opportunity to either go with it or not if they are looking for a committed relationship. However, if one of them is looking for a serious relationship, this will put a damper on the date immediately. So if you really want to know which road this is leading to you may as well touch on that subject during your get-to-know phone call before meeting in person. This way, everyone knows what to expect.
A word about “Ghosting”. Ghosting is when a date, or person you have been in a relationship with, all of a sudden does not respond to your messages anymore, leaving you to guess what the reason may be. Obviously, the person doing the ghosting doesn’t have the courage to let you know that he/she is no longer interested in a relationship with you. It’s an easy way out. It would be best to not pursue this situation once you’ve been ghosted.
Today’s independent women don’t settle and don’t rush into relationships they are not sure about. They want the magic. If they can’t find the quality relationship material they envision, they keep on looking. Therefore men may have a harder time finding and connecting with a woman they could be seriously interested in. However, since there are many attractive and successful women available, the female gender may have an equally tough time finding the right male connection. There is a lot of competition.
If you are looking for a love connection attend as many professional networking and social mixer events as possible after it is safe again and COVID-19 is no longer a threat. Become involved in charities or fundraiser events to meet people as an alternative to online dating or hire a reputable matchmaker who vets her clients and then makes personal introductions based on their profile match results. When you hire a matchmaker you would at least be pretty sure that the person you are being introduced to has serious intentions, otherwise they wouldn’t pay for such a service. Needless to say, you have to vet any matchmaker to make sure they can come up with quality introductions.
Before committing to a relationship or accepting a marriage proposal you should have experienced your significant other in unfavorable or stressful situations. How does this person react when he/she is angry or stressed? It could be eye-opening and reveal a totally different person than the one you thought you are in a relationship with. Can you live with your significant other’s expressions of anger or stress or are you experiencing a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona, which could get worse over time once the initial “honeymoon” period is over? Never stay in a relationship if you are afraid of that partner or if he/she demonstrates abusive behavior toward you, be it physically or emotionally. Be aware that a person who initially made a good impression on all levels may change suddenly and reveal his/her true character or signs of mental illness.
Whatever the situation, remember that No means No. You don’t have to explain yourself when declining an invite or a date.
Social Media - How To Get To Know A Love Interest
Social media is a great way of learning more about people you may be interested in romantically. Look at your date’s social media posts and shares, which could provide a wealth of information and give you an insight of who this person is. A team of the University of Pennsylvania has created the ‘World of Well-Being’ project, which analyzes social media posts that could show signs of mental illnesses, which are widespread globally. According to the research, social media offers a complementary window into an individual’s psyche allowing the team to investigate how changes in the language being shared on social media may reflect changes in mental states.
Image by Laura Chouette via Unsplash