Opposites Attract But Compatibility Lasts Forever
Looking for love in all the wrong places
By Linda McIsaac
Love is more than clicks and swipes
As people, we do need other people, but let’s face it, relating to others is complicated. Most people seek companionship in their lives. Compatibility is essential to achieving a satisfying relationship and satisfying life. It is a challenge that most people find extremely difficult to achieve. How important is it to you to find a companion, soul mate, and lover? How can you really know who a person is? Even after you have met and developed a relationship, how well do you know them?
My own journey in relationships might sound familiar. When I was younger, my father told me that I would get married and live happily ever after. He did not offer any clues on selecting or finding a mate. Like many of you, I thought that if I found someone that had similar interests as mine, together, we would figure out how to get along and make an intimate relationship work. My first relationship ended in divorce, much to my dismay. In my second marriage, my husband and I were both research scientists, with him up-front and center teaching, while I was more comfortable in the background, delving into numbers.
As our marriage went along, I realized that my husband's approach to life was so very different from mine, despite the fact that we had similar interests as scientists and cared for each other, we drove each other crazy more often than not. We endured until his passing from Alzheimer's several years ago, but I had become driven to understand the why, who, and how of relationships. If similar interests were not predictive of compatible relationships, what was? I needed to understand more about the mind. What I have come to understand is predictive behaviors occur because of the different ways that our minds take in information, process it, and keep it in our memories.
The Big “AHa”
The secret to a good match is knowing your predictable behaviors and those of a potential mate based on how you think. This is a big "Aha." Never before has it been possible to quickly and easily identify those behaviors.
The secret to finding a soul mate is being able to identify a person's predictable behaviors (who they really are), how compatible their behaviors are with yours, and where to find this person and understand how they think.
A truly great relationship values, respects, and appreciates those predictable behaviors that make each of us who we are. Relationships are easier if your preferences are the same or similar.
Everything in nature is logical and organized. The mind is no exception. How your mind works is, of course, the basis for our predictable behaviors. More to the point, how you make decisions is the first and most important dichotomy in relationships and has major ramifications in daily living.
How You Make Decisions
On one end of the decision-making dichotomy are people that prefer to live more for the day. For instance, as a Short-Term Decision-Maker, Tony loves to shop online and tends to buy things on a whim. As he states: "I like being able to buy what I like. When I see something I like, I buy it right away. Why wait? It might be gone, or I won't find it again." When he isn't online, Tony has a routine way that he goes about. He likes to make his lunch the same way and isn't much into changing things up. He is happy to shop for groceries and household items at his usual stores, buying the same brands because he knows they work for him. He enjoys working out and doing yard work, things he can put his hands on, and see some progress. Later, he will watch some of his favorite programs on TV. Tony prefers not to read books but will occasionally look through photos in magazines to catch up on the latest celebrity news. On his job, he likes physical motion using his body and hands.
On the other end are those who plan for the future, namely Long-Term. As a Long-Term Decision-Maker, June is motivated to save up money for a trip to Europe. She is naturally curious about other cultures and spends time reading about them. At 26, she bought a house because she decided that it was a good investment, and she wanted a nice big kitchen to cook and she is quite capable of cooking. She takes pride in planning good meals for herself and occasionally has dinner parties for friends and family. Grocery shopping is a chance for her to problem-solve saving money by checking out new brands of food and new stores to shop. She is trying hard to be careful with her money, not just for her trip to Europe but also to start putting money into a 401k at work. She pays off her credit card every month to avoid paying interest. She is a college graduate specializing in journalism and works in the media.
Which side of the dichotomy sounds more like you? If a couple finds themselves on opposite ends of this dichotomy, it can make living together naturally more difficult. For example, a Short-Term person may not be able to handle the abstract investment of money or credit cards very well. Many times, this person will want to spend money as fast as they earn it and live week-to-week or month-to-month. A Long-Term person is more apt to manage money more carefully and think about investments for the future. This dichotomy helps to explain the number one reason for divorce: Money Management differences.
How You Think
Next, we are going to discuss how you take in and process information, whether you can multitask or like to focus on one thing, how sensitive you are towards time, and how structure affects your process. This dichotomy is based on the two major ways that people think and process information. We call one end of the dichotomy, a Weaver Mind, and the other, a Driver Mind. One end of the dichotomy is not better than the other; however, the resulting predictive behaviors are different.
The key to discovering your predictive behaviors and others' is to first understand how your mind works, and then to discover that of others'. This difference in the way people think and process information explains breakdowns in communications when two or more people have different ways of processing information. This communication breakdown could easily be considered the number one problem at work, home, or even in society in general. This is a big "Aha!" We now know how to improve communications.
Weaver Minds
Do you like to be spontaneous with activities in your leisure time? Are you approximate in arriving somewhere on time? Do your bedroom and living areas usually look "lived in" and even a little messy? Are you comfortable with disorganization? Can you do three things at once like washing dishes, talking on the phone, and cooking something on the stove? Do you find that a call from a friend is a good excuse to drop that project that hasn't been completed and join them in another activity? Are you more laid back? Weavers exhibit creativity in their careers.
Driver Minds
Do you post a task list on the refrigerator and check off things as you do them? Do you usually get everything done on it? When meeting up with friends, are you always on time or a little early? Do you plan and pack for that weekend trip? Is everything usually put away and in its place? Do you plan your meals? Do you balance your checkbook and keep it up to date? If something needs to be fixed, will you keep at it until it is done? Is your desk space neat? Is your refrigerator clean and stocked with food? Did you make your bed? Do you walk quickly and confidently to get somewhere? Drivers focus on the goal.
Where You Get Your Energy
The third dichotomy (from Singular to Plural) should be considered by everyone and every couple. Each of you needs "air time"-- time to be heard in a group and alone with each other. One extreme or the other can affect your relationship, but it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker.
Singular. Do you usually listen first and then talk? Do you prefer to stay at home at night most of the time rather than go out? Would your friends call you shy? Do you enjoy working on projects alone and you are a bit of a perfectionist? Do you prefer quiet time to recharge your battery? If something doesn't turn out right, do you blame yourself?
Plural. Do you talk to strangers in line at the grocery store? Do you talk with salespeople that call on the phone or others who come to the door of your apartment, house, or dorm? Do you get your energy from interacting with people? Do you seek out your next-door neighbor? Are projects or homework deemed "good enough" when you work on them just so you can get them done?
This particular dichotomy is very important for perhaps an obvious reason: how you prefer to spend your free time--with others or by yourself--can dramatically impact your relationship.
What Makes You More Comfortable
The last dichotomy for determining your unique behaviors is based on whether you are more comfortable with people or things. In other words, are you more apt in your free time seeking out friends, or would you prefer working on your car or hiking in the woods by yourself or with a loved one? This dichotomy focuses on how closely connected you are to your emotions and how you relate and deal with emotions. In other words, everyone has both feelings and logic (fact and evidence). What comes to the surface first when you respond to a conversation or situation?
Feeling-Oriented: Are you comfortable with emotions? Do you like to hug and be hugged even by strangers? Do you like a morning kiss and a light touch? Are you more tactful than truthful? Do you see a tragedy on TV and have great empathy for others? Do you cry when you see a sad part in a movie or accidentally run over a wild animal? These behaviors are typical of a Feeling-oriented person.
Thing-Oriented: Do you use logic to solve all problems? Do you have difficulty relating to people and tend to be more comfortable with your "things"? Would friends say you are blunt? Do you have a rational, logical way of dealing with a tense situation?
When the basic needs of food, water, shelter, and safety have been met, a higher level of a relationship between two adults can be achieved. You now have an explanation of the different kinds of people based on what their preferences/predictable behaviors are. You know more about why you do what you do, and your preferences guide the different aspects of your life. Another way to put it is, people have predictable behaviors, and those behaviors determine compatibility!
Big “Aha”
People have predictable behaviors that determine compatibility!
The more similar you and your partner are in the four dichotomies the more apt you are to be compatible.
Opposites attract, but compatibility lasts forever.
2Connect
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2CONNECT transforms the way an individual finds a soul mate using a new science of the mind technology for a more compatible, intimate, and long- lasting relationship. The key that unlocks this secret to finding a mate is the understanding of the predictive behaviors of a person and whether they are compatible with yours.
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About Linda McIsaac
Linda is an Entrepreneur, Scientist, Educator, Author/Speaker and the President of Xyte, Inc.
She discovered the different innate abilities that people are born with based on the way they think and how to measure them with an online assessment called Xyting Insight. She applies her science of mind technology in many areas of a person’s life to help them better understand themselves and others.
She holds a Masters and Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin - Madison. She is the first woman Superintendent of Schools in Wisconsin.