Clarity, Commitment, Challenges, Create A Plan, Celebrate
The 5C Solution - A Five Part Series By Cindy Cipriani
Clarity is the First Step To Obtaining Success
It is easy to feel like life is spinning out of control when life changes, especially when you did not see it coming. Recently the whole world is reeling from the global changes brought about by the pandemic. This current health crisis has brought an added layer of uncertainty on top of everyday changes, such as relationship problems, financial difficulties, other illnesses, and loss of loved ones. Even though millions of people are experiencing these changes, it is easy to think that no one else can understand. You may be feeling lost, alone, or stuck not knowing what to do next.
Be assured these emotions are normal when life changes. You are not alone. While your feelings are unique to you, everyone who is going through change is trying to get clarity and find direction. It is good to remember that no one has an exact set of directions in life. We are all making choices as we move forward each day. The difference is that a lot of the choices we make each day are easy because they are out of habit. Change is hard because uncharted waters need careful attention which raises our insecurity and apprehension.
When circumstances beyond our control happen, you can gain clarity and confidence by taking some action steps. Here are three that will begin to turn the chaos into clarity.
Three Action Steps to Get Clarity after Change
1. Identify your Need
2. Breathe and Mind Dump
3. Correct Your Course
1. Identify Your Need
Emotion clouds our logic. In order to clear the emotion, ask yourself, “What do I NEED in this moment?” Thinking too far ahead can send your brain into overdrive. Instead, stay in this moment. You may need to cry. You may need to take a walk to burn off some energy. You may be tired and need a nap. Take a minute to sit, close your eyes and figure out what you need just in this minute. If you are unsure, you may need to talk to a trusted friend, coach or loved one. Just the act of sharing helps validate your feelings which can bring enough calm to help you think more clearly.
2. Breathe and Mind Dump
Take three deep breaths and write down your feelings. Don’t monitor what you write. Just dump everything you are thinking onto the paper. Then walk away and come back in ten minutes and read what you wrote.
3. Correct Your Course
Use your list to get clarity by writing True or False next to each statement. If what you are thinking is based solely on emotion and isn’t true, such as, “I’m not worthy of love” or “I’ll always be alone” or “I’ll always be broke”, then write FALSE next to it and write the opposite of that statement. “I am loveable.” “I have good friends.” “I attract wealth.” Correcting your negative thoughts will empower your positive energy to take over.
Confidence is built by action. Every change creates an opportunity to move in a new direction. In the moment, it may seem like uncomfortable, difficult, or scary. Try to remember other times in your life when you became stronger by negotiating a challenge. We learn by change. Often, we would never realize what we are capable of if life had not changed. William Frederick Halsey, Jr. once said, “There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet.”
One example of this is taking place in this pandemic. Individuals who rarely or never used technology, such as video calls, were forced to learn to keep in touch with their friends, families, and colleagues. Neighbors who never said hello to each other are now bringing each other groceries and checking on each other’s health. People who never sewed before are making masks to donate to health care workers. These skills bolster their confidence that what really matters may be different than what they thought just a few months ago.
It is the human interconnection that fills life with joy. The world has survived and thrived through change before. Finding clarity and confidence is easier when you realize that what we learn from change can make us better people and a better society.
Commitment Is The Fuel That Moves You Forward
Recently the theme of many conversations is uncertainty. People are anxious due to our lives being turned upside down with the pandemic. Business owners are nervously wondering when and how they will re-open after months of stay-at-home orders. Millions of workers have been forced to work at home surrounded by pets, kids, and laundry while millions more are unemployed. Hovering over face masks, young and old alike have fear and fatigue showing in their eyes.
In the last article, we discovered that finding clarity and confidence is easier when we realize that we learn from change. Clarity is essential when none of the normal rules apply. We all make plans based on history and projections, but this is one of those times when everyone needs to hit the pause button, re-focus and re-invent. The looming question is, How?
Ask yourself three questions:
1. Who am I now?
2. Who do I want to be?
3. What do I need?
Yes, to find clarity in times of change you need to shift from thinking about your circumstances to focusing on your inner core values that drive everything you do. If you are a business owner, do you run your business with honesty and integrity? Why? Probably because these are values that reflect who you are as a person.
When the economy changes, do you change your values or are you committed to stay the course of strong moral and ethical principles?
If you are not working and finances become challenging, do you commit to remaining calm and discussing strategy with your family? Or do you succumb to losing your temper, drowning your anxiety, and creating chaos in your relationships?
The choice that you make in response to your circumstances will depend on your commitment to who you want to be. Think of a time when you said something hurtful in anger and immediately you felt bad about yourself. “That’s not who I am,” probably ran through your mind. We have all been there.
If you commit to remaining the person you want to be, no matter what is happening or who is pressing your buttons, you come away feeling proud. If you are not sure of your core values, you can become stuck in the emotion of change.
With emotions under control, you can narrow down what you need. You may need professional advice about your finances or your business options. You may need emotional support from a friend or supportive relative. There are options available that you can research to help you through this difficult time. Remember, you are never alone, and you are never without options.
Years ago, I was going through a divorce. I was broke and broken. Never in a million years did I think I would be in that position. Pride kept me from asking for help until I had no choice. Then I found out that people were ready, willing and able to lend a hand and show me how to get assistance until I was on my feet again. I needed to move forward because I was in the fight of my life.
One of the people who inspired me was Muhammad Ali. At twelve years old, he started training as a boxer. Six years later he won a gold medal in the 1960 Summer Olympics. However, his example of commitment did not just come from his boxing success. Ali had become a Muslim and at the height of his career in 1966 as the Vietnam War raged, he stayed true to his beliefs and refused to be drafted into the military. This cost him over four years of boxing as he was banned from the sport. I am not taking sides as to whether he was right or wrong, I am just saying that he was so committed to his beliefs that he did not cave due to pressure, loss of wealth or loss of status.
Clarity keeps you grounded. Commitment is the fuel that moves you forward.
CONQUERING CHALLENGES IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
Challenges test our commitment to what we said we wanted
Doesn’t it seem that just as you find clarity in something you want, and you commit to going for it, life throws you an unexpected challenge? These challenges test how committed you are. US Admiral William Frederick Hansley, Jr. said, “There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.”
In the past few months, we have all faced the great challenge of a pandemic. This crisis is unlike anything most generations living have ever seen and has affected the entire global population. While trying to protect ourselves by social distancing and staying at home, the uncertainty of our health and economy has shaken many to their core.
Every member of the family is now faced with how to conquer these external challenges while navigating their internal emotions of anxiety, fear and loss. As adults we like to feel in control. We plan how to take care of ourselves, our elderly parents and our children. But when those who depend on us see uncertainty in our eyes, what can we do to reassure them? What do we do with our plans when the rug gets pulled out from under us? Do we throw all our hopes and dreams out the window? Or do we recalculate our path? Challenges do not have to stop us, but they do test our commitment to what we said we wanted.
Here are three ways to conquer the challenges in these uncertain times:
1. Quiet the inner enemy.
Our minds are internal computers that are constantly attempting to make sense of our lives. It takes external stimuli, pairs it with past emotional responses and attempts to figure out what we should do now. It is trying to find a place of logic amongst the chaos. Most of the messages from our internal voice are negative which feed our sense of doubt and fear. Perhaps this protects us from harm, but it can also skew our ability to confidently face a challenge. Literally turning down the volume of this doubtful voice can free you to look at the facts and think more logically to find answers. How?
2. Acknowledge the emotions.
Turn your internal enemy into a friend by acknowledging what it is telling you. Yes, listen to all the statements of confusion, anxiety, fear and doubt. Write them down. This defuses the emotion and turns them into pieces of a puzzle that your mind will automatically want to solve as logic kicks in.
3. Look at the larger picture.
One of the activities that a lot of families have been doing during this lockdown is putting together puzzles. It is a common strategy to put the edge pieces together first because this gives a good reference where the other middle pieces will go in relation to the border of the puzzle. This same strategy can be used to look at your current challenges if you take the view that life is like a giant puzzle. Get all the members of your family involved as you turn problems into positive challenges to be solved. After all, if people did not like challenges, there would be no sporting games. It is all in the way we look at what we are facing. You can become paralyzed by uncertain change or you can take it on being determined to become a champion at your own life.
Take a few minutes to do these first three power steps. Watch how your action shifts your attitude from trepidation to triumph.
Clarity keeps you grounded.
Commitment is the fuel that moves you forward.
Challenges test your commitment.
If you have been following this series, you are learning ‘The 5Cs’™. They can be remembered on the fingers of your left hand. Here are the first three: clarity (pinky finger), commitment (ring finger) and, appropriately, challenges (middle finger).
Creation of a Plan of Action
It may seem that recent events, which were out of your control, have totally disrupted life as you knew it. No matter how crazy your life seemed before the pandemic, this new reality swooped in and disrupted any semblance of normal daily life. Your plans for school, business, vacation and even the freedom to eat at your favorite restaurant abruptly ended. It is times like this when people ask themselves, “What do I do now?”
Imagine yourself driving at night to a destination, let’s say a party that you are really looking forward to. You looked up the address and realized that you knew how to get there, so you decide to take your antique car. Suddenly you come upon a police officer blocking the road. He waves you onto a road you have never been on. There are no detour signs and no other cars to follow. You are just headed in a different direction in the dark and have no idea where this road takes you. How do you feel? Annoyed. A little frightened. Confused. Anxious. If only you had taken your car with a GPS to recalculate your planned route! But since you didn’t, now you have a choice to make. All the possibilities rush through your thoughts. Do you continue forward and try to navigate your way back to the main road? Do you turn around and ask the police officer for directions? Do you stop by the side of the road and stay there until morning? Should you just turn around and go home?
The same thing happens in life when we have big plans and an unexpected circumstance suddenly interrupts our momentum. High school and college seniors may have had big plans for sporting accomplishments and graduation parties. Couples may have had their weddings planned years in advance. Businesses had financial projections of growth, expansion and hiring more staff. When all these plans got canceled, different people reacted in different ways. Some became depressed, angry and immobile while others started thinking outside the box for alternative solutions creating an action plan to keep moving toward the same goals while navigating around this temporary detour. Which reaction did you have?
Are you taking this time to create a clear plan with new step-by-step actions? Are you consulting with other experts for their direction or suggestions? Or did you just cancel everything and slide to a stop? It can seem easier to just quit, but ultimately nothing is accomplished by quitting. In fact, it is the challenges that we overcome that make us stronger and more confident to continue until we reach our goals. That is why we admire successful people. Ask any accomplished person and they will tell you that they overcame obstacles, pushed through unexpected pressures and took one more step even when they were told to give up. That step resulted in them finally breaking through to success.
Take the story of the singer Adele – she started singing at age 4, canceled two tours just as she became a headliner because she had a boyfriend who didn’t want her to travel, overcame drinking, and apparently failed at her first American debut. She was struggling, only to get booked on Saturday Night Live the same night Sarah Palin appeared, garnishing millions of viewers. This one night launched her songs to the top of the charts. Then just as she got momentum, she needed vocal cord surgery, another setback. It was not until two years later that her song ‘Hello’ made history. She seemed like an overnight success when that song hit the airwaves, but she had to overcome all the prior challenges, and not give up, until she made it.
The most valuable thing you can do with your time now is to create an action plan. Yes, even plan for detours. Imagine what obstacles could try to block your way and contemplate alternative solutions, but do not give up on your dreams. Be a winner. Become your own hero.
Clarity keeps you grounded. Commitment is the fuel that moves you forward. Challenges test your commitment. Creation of a step-by-step action plan keeps you on track.
Is There Anything to Celebrate?
To discover confidence in times of change, the last ‘C’ in The 5C Solution is to Celebrate each step along the way.
Usually when we want something, we envision what we will do to celebrate when we get it. We wait to reward ourselves. What we do not realize at the beginning is that the work involved in obtaining our goal is difficult. Because change is hard, we often give up before we reach the goal. The secret to not giving up along the way, is to celebrate each step you take towards the goal. This way, even though the work is hard, you enjoy the small rewards which encourages you to keep going.
If I were writing this a few months ago, it would not be hard to explain how to celebrate. At that time most of us were focusing on individual goals or challenges. When the pandemic hit, the whole world was suddenly affected by fear of an unknown enemy. Our focus shifted from looking forward to celebrations, such as weddings, proms, graduations, birthday parties and vacations to protecting ourselves from getting sick or dying just from being close to people. The celebrations were replaced with stress, anxiety and the restlessness of quarantine. The masks even hide our smiles.
Just as the world started to circulate again, our country exploded with the outcry of racial and social injustice. Anger and violence have consumed our cities and spread into small towns. The pulse of the nation has become so sensitive that every word can be met with criticism, judgment and division.
So, as we wrap up this series on getting clarity in our individual lives, is there any reason to celebrate?
The way I see it, celebrations are essential to balancing the crises of our lives. We have two choices. We can become consumed with the negativity or we can take a step back and focus on the everyday moments that bring us joy, even during a chaotic time. If we allow ourselves to dwell on the overwhelming problems, we cannot think of solutions. Our thoughts, actions and reactions affect everyone around us. So if we become introspective, root out our own biases, be curious enough to listen to others points of view, be compassionate enough to treat each individual we come in contact with as our equal, we will be a part of solution. That is something to indeed celebrate.
Perhaps how we celebrate has been forced to change, but we do not need to wait for a special occasion. When external circumstances are overwhelming, it is more important than ever to bring your attention to the small things, the individual moments, in your day that bring you happiness. It could be playing with your dog, preparing your favorite meal, sitting quietly listening to the birds, stopping and smelling the roses, feeling sunshine on your face or holding a door for a stranger. These are life’s celebrations that go unnoticed until you decide to purposefully do them to acknowledge the steps you are taking toward being the person you want to be.
Large celebrations will return. There will be parties, sporting events, concerts and parades. Hopefully, the voices of those who are protesting will be heard and will create change that will be a welcome celebration for all! But until then, create a list of small actions that you can do during every day. Start becoming more joyful so that you have clarity to choose how your days are spent.
You have now learned ‘The 5C Solution.™’
The five ‘Cs’ can be remembered on the fingers of your left hand: clarity (pinky finger), commitment (ring finger), challenges (middle finger), creation of a plan (pointing finger) and celebrate (thumbs up!).
Clarity Coach, Cindy Cipriani is the author of The 5C Solution: Discover Clarity & Confidence in Times of Change.
For more information visit her website at www.the5csolution.com/
You can also find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ClearPathByCindy/
Images and video courtesy of Cindy Cipriani
Graphics by ImageMakers & Influencers Magazine